My interest in Turkish culture and Turkey in general began when I visited Turkey prior to coming to the United States for school. I went to visit my Turkish friend who I went to high school with. I spent 10 days in Turkey and spent most of my time in Istanbul and Bursa. There are so many things about Turkish culture that I wanted to do my presentation on such as Turkish coffee, tea, cuisine, holidays etc, however I decided to do a research on bachelorette party in Turkey. My Turkish friends always joke how I will marry a Turkish guy and that I should learn more about all the procedures and events that happen prior and during the wedding. There are 3 parts of traditional Turkish wedding customs, but I have decided to talk about part 2 only as I find it very interesting and much more different from what bachelorette party is in Bosnia and Herzegovina.
Henna is a dye that you use to make temporary tattoos on your body. From my research I found out that Henna is used to show that something is being sacrificed. In the past it was considered to put henna on an object that you are going to sacrifice, for example in the Ottoman time, soldiers would put henna somewhere on their body to demonstrate that they are sacrificing themselves for their people and country. Another example is more religious, during a religious holiday when Muslims sacrifice an animal usually a sheep or a cow in the name of God, they usually put henna on the animal and this represents sacrificing. When it comes to weddings in Turkey, henna is put on a bride to demonstrate that her body and being is sacrificed to her husband that she is going to live with. Basically it represents a sacrificing bride. In the past, the bride to be would be covered in henna from head to toe and somewhere on her body, the henna artist would include the initials of her husband and the husbands task on the wedding night was to find those initials.
The Henna night is held one day before the wedding. It generally takes place at the girls home or a bride rents a place. Since this night is like bachelorette party, only girls are invited. In the past, the bride’s mother would stop by each guest’s house the night before the henna night and personally invite the family members and friends, only female members. However, today bride usually just gives a phone call in advance to her friends and tell them where the party will be held.
These days, brides prepare so much more in advance, for example they prepare for henna night 3 months earlier. The party usually ends at 1am, and because brides have to get up early for the wedding that is the next day some brides have a day off between henna and the wedding.
Usually, the bride wears everything red, she wears red dress, red veil and her friends can also wear red if they want but they don’t have to. When all female friends and relatives come to the place, bride usually comes with her groom and sometimes groom brings some of his close friends. Bride and groom dance to a romantic song for a bit and then groom and his male relatives leave. Sometimes, groom actually stays, it just depends on how they agree. So once guys leave, girls who are veiled can remove their veil, girls wear short dresses etc.
Basi butun or “whose head is complete” is a lady whose life is basically perfect. She has a perfect, happy marriage, kids, and parents and she is the one who brings henna on a silver bowl into the room. After they dance for a bit, then the traditional part starts when the bride to be sits in the middle and other girls around her surround her. Girls hold henna and candles in their hands. Then, girls start walking around the bride and sing very emotional songs to make her cry. The songs are usually about how the bride is going to leave her house and family, how mothers are losing their daughters, and daughters becoming wives. This is usually the first time that the bride is going away from home, so they generally cry when they hear such songs. But the bride does not have to cry, it is not a rule. While the girls are singing they want the bride to open her palm so that they can put henna on her palm as a way to sacrifice her, but bride does not open the palm. Then, her mother in law comes up to the bride and puts a golden coin on her closed palm and that is when she opens her palm and then girls put henna in her hands. Bride usually starts crying then, and once the bride starts crying party starts.
Apart from getting that one gold coin in her palm, bride usually gets a lot of god at henna night from her own family and grooms family. In the past, girls would put henna all over brides hands, but these days they don’t put that much henna anymore.
There are several important dances, but the most important dance is called HALAY (dugun halay),
One of the important parts of the henna night is called ISTEKLER- and this is when people call on others to dance together. For example bride can call on her sister to dance with groom’s sister. What always happens is that brides mother and mother in law are always called to dance together.
Then there is TAKI part which is when grooms mother puts so much jewelry on bride. Usually the bride and mother in law agree on what bride wants to get from mother in law and then she buys it for her. For example, she can ask for 5 golden braces and 1 set when you get earrings, necklace and braces etc. After taki, ladies dance halay for an hour and then leave.
Henna night usually ends around 1am and then what happens around 3 am is called CEREZ TOPLAMA. Family and friends who live close by take a small drum called darbuka or they could also have a car that plays music and in the middle of the night they knock on close relatives’ doors and ask for nuts and fruits, usually for something sweet. Relatives know that they will be coming late at night, so they always prepare sweet things. They can also knock on anyone’s door, everyone wakes up because of that small drum that is very loud and because they are all loud, they are singing and laughing.
At the end of CEREZ TOPLAMA, it is tradition to go to grooms house and take some clothes from mother in law and burn it in front of their house. This is like a superstition saying that if you burn her clothes, the bride and mother in law will get along in future.
Also attending other students presentations, I learned a lot about other cultures. I learned that Swedes are not very open, they do not flirt, and do not show emotions very much. When a couple goes out they usually split for the meal, because if they did not, a girl would be offended if a guy insists. They usually value commitment and not paper. Also, they are not a big fan of engagement rings.
In Korea, Koreans think homosexuality is a disease and that it can be cured, their biggest problem is ignorance and that topic is usually taboo and they do not like to talk about homosexualtiy. It is also important to arrive on time for the meetings, but if you arrive too early, that is disruptive, and being late is only for people in power. I found it interesting that when you get a business card you do not put it in your pocket immediately, but you have to take a look at it for a while and only then you can put it in your pocket.
Overall, I learned some interesting facts about other cultures and I always enjoy learning about other culture, but I truly believe that Turkey has the most interesting culture and that is why I find learning about Turkish culture most entertaining.
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