For my last cultural post, I interviewed my language partner, Jenna, about dating culture and relationships in South Korea. I covered several topics with her to confirm what I found in my research and to add some new information to the subject. She says that overall, the country is still relatively conservative, so certain things are taboo that are more accepted in other cultures. For example, the LGBTQ+ subculture is typically ignored by South Korean society. Jenna thinks this is because people are ignorant about how sexual orientation and gender identity work. There are many wrong assumptions due to a lack of education about this community. For the most part, her comments correspond with my post about the LGBTQ+ community.
Traditional values continue to stand even for heterosexual couples when they get married. It is less a bond between two individuals and more of marrying between two families. The paternalistic nature of marriage has the wife join the husband’s family. According to Jenna, it is very common for the newlyweds to move in and live with the husband’s family. For this reason, the parents on both sides of the family are very involved in the relationship. Sometimes parents will set up their kids on blind dates with kids of families that they approve of. Although group blind dates were more popular in the 90s, they are still used today. However, there is a trend of more people meeting through dating apps as they become more popular.
The standard age for getting married is between the late 20s and early 30s. While it is discouraged for teens to date in high school, university students are encouraged to start looking for a partner. When people visit their families during the holidays, their relatives will often ask very personal questions about their lives. For example, if they are single and in their 30s or 40s, relatives will have a lot of inquiries and make, sometimes unwelcome, suggestions about how to improve their lives. This can be very stressful if you do not have a stable relationship, job, or financial position. This can persuade some people to not visit their families during the holidays. This begins to address my research about single parents that I wrote about in my last post. I brought up to Jenna how some single mothers have been banned from joining their family because they are seen as a failure. Therefore, they do not have a place to go during the holidays. She had a hard time believing that was true and suggested more of the above reasons why people would choose to stay away from their families. Korean families tend to be very involved in the lives of their younger relatives and will ask many personal questions regarding school job or relationship status.
Lastly, I asked Jenna about dating outside of your own race. She responded that the older generations hold a stigma against marrying someone who is not Korean because they have not been exposed to different races and cultures. South Korea is one of the most homogeneous countries which would lead many people to be unfamiliar with other races. Anything that is unfamiliar will be judged. Even if you are just a foreigner visiting, you will get a lot of stares and be asked seemingly rude and intrusive questions. Even in the United States, some Korean parents prefer that their kids marry a Korean, but there are many families that are becoming more welcoming to mixed racial marriages.
Comments
Thank you for this post. I've been curious about this topic for a while. It's interesting to see how similar India is to Korean in this respect: views on the LGBTQ+ community, marriage being a union of two families, and hostility towards foreigners. I wonder what the differentiating factor is between cultures like in India and Korea, and cultures like in the United States.
Hi Christi, this is a post that was cool to read and something I can definitely say I saw growing up in a Korean family. Korea is for sure more conservative and the LGBTQ+ community is not taken as seriously as it is in America. Even in Itaewon Class, it was the first time ever that there was a transgender character in a korean drama which was a big first step and brought more discussion to that community. It definitely is starting to change and more families are welcoming mixed racial marriages but for sure judgement is something that is very high among Koreans and that will most likely stay until it becomes more accepted and commonplace in Korea.
Hey Christi!!
Yes, the dating culture in Korea is far from personal, and everyone tends to act like your personal life if their business. I know many people, especially females, from Korea who are shamed for being single. Instead of respecting their decisions, they think it's their duty to teach them on how to improve and find someone. It could be that they truly care for you and want you to find someone you love, however sometimes, if could come off as being too invasive.
Hi Christi, thanks for sharing this. I agree with you that now in Korea, marriage is more between two families than two people. It always appears to me in Korean dramas that the parents want a perfect person to be their son or daughter-in-law instead of someone whom their children love.